I know you probably all know that I am leaving tomorrow. I don't feel very mentally strong right now, but I am praying. There is a lot to finish up tonight and I have to be at the airport here in Wenatchee at 5am. I am feeling so awful about leaving Luke and Jonah for such a long time and I haven't prepared them properly. How could I in such a short amount of time? But they have an amazing father, my mom is here, and we have friends that are ready to jump in and help. It will be hard, but hopefully they will do all right.
I've caused quite a stir with the other 2 moms that now feel they aren't doing what they should by not going to their daughters that were involved. I have no thoughts other than I am doing what I feel I must and it is up to them to follow their hearts. It kind of bums me out that one of them was insinuating that my thinking my children need me is naive- they are with their aunties whom they know and trust and she doubts they'll lean on me. Truthfully it doesn't matter if they do or if they don't feel they "need" me, but they will know that I am there and I love them. :) I'm sure she was trying to make herself feel better, but it was icky to hear (and I can't whine about it on my regular blog! She reads that one! Ha!).
I appreciate the support everyone has offered and besides the overwhelming feeling of wanting to vomit, I feel like this is the right decision. It is impossible for me to not go when I know what they experienced. Even with the aunties (who are traumatized themselves), there are 32 kids there. I look forward to being another person to love every one of those kiddos (mine especially). I plan to spend a lot of time there during the day (with the 4 of us leaving well before dark each night) because this is their family- they have full cousins there and best friends whom they adore. We will not be severing those ties, especially because we'll be there at least 6 weeks.
All prayers are welcome and I will try to update my regular blog often (although Internet is spotty over there). My blog address is: http://ghanaadoptthree.blogspot.com And thanks for talking about what my options are with Leona today. Mr. Britto told her we could work something out, maybe an independent study??? Anyway, school shmool! I am going to be hugging my kids on Wednesday!
2 comments:
Amy, The important thing is that you are doing what you feel in your heart is right...regardless of what others may insinuate, suggest or outright say. Nothing in adoption is straightforward and you have to go with your gut feelign and stick with it. Your girls are yours and you need to be there with them. You have an amazing family here to support you all and work through it all when you return, that is all that matters.
I'm glad you are going to your children Amy. I believe that they need to be with you as much as you need to be with them. And I'm sure that any of us would be more than willing to help in any way you need, especially when it comes to your independent study if you need it when things settle down. Safe travels and hug those children.
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